Far More Precious…
Because no matter what version you read the Bible in the Word is still the Word…
Proverbs 31:10 reads…
A good wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.
An accomplished woman who can find? Her value is far beyond rubies.
Who can find a truly excellent woman? One who is superior in all that she is and all that she does? Her worth far exceeds that of rubies and expensive jewelry.
Who can find a worthy woman? For her price is far above rubies.
Who shall find a strong woman? the price of her is far, and from the last ends. (Who shall find a woman of virtue? her value is far above anything else.)
A woman of worth who doth find? Yea, far above rubies [is] her price.
I have a bad habit of not being able to speak up for myself.
I don’t do a good job of representing/presenting who I am. And not just as NAKO, the author but Nakoreya, the woman as well.
I don’t do well with public appearances.
My anxiety is out of the roof.
But yesterday, I heard and word and through a vessel of God I told myself during church service that I was, “Far More Precious”
This stamp was written from a transparent yet unsure place and it’s my prayer that it reaches you where you are in some way, shape or form.
Far More Precious
I need help, and I tried therapy but considered it very unsuccessful. Revealing my truths, removing the mask that I’ve probably been wearing since I was about nine years old and unraveling and unspiraling made me weak. And so therapy is not for me..at least not for me at this time.
I didn’t do well with admitting and talking about my past, my parents, my future plans, my relationship with my boyfriend…who has three kids and three baby mamas and how maybe me and him aren’t on the same page.
Yeah, my therapist dug too deep and out of fear I backed up, out and never returned.
I’m dealing with me this year and that’s not easy.
For years I’ve been the go-to friend and never had anyone to go-to, last year was rough for me and so many times I wished that there was one person that I could just open up too and don’t get me wrong I have friends but when everybody is dealing with their own problems and you’re often looked at as the friend that “got it together” what did I look like complaining about my “issues” when my friends are dealing with “real-life” situations.
So I kept quiet.
Boiling over.
Low key depressed and suffering…
In 2018 it’s my vow to maintain a relationship with self, a close relationship with self.
I want and need to practice a lot of self-care and show myself a whole lot of love.
I don’t do a good job with loving myself and I hate that about me.
It’s so easy for me to build up others but my own foundation is weak.
Truth be told I have been stopping and starting the process of writing this stamp for so freaking long and that’s because I pour so much into these stamps.
I don’t write just to write, I don’t blog just to say, “hey I’m a blogger” no, I really take these stamps serious.
The feedback is always worth me bearing my soul and even then, if no one ever reads them or comments once I’m done writing a passport stamp I tend to feel so much better.
So relieved.
Overthinking.
Hi, my name is Nakoreya and I overthink every little fucking thing.
It’s hard for me to start my day, simply because I don’t know if I want to write at home or drive to a coffee shop, every morning it takes me about two hours to decide where I’ll spend my day.
I do this for just about everything.
Meals that I will cook.
The polish I’ll get on my toes.
Hair styles for events months away.
I’ve been low key planning my boyfriend’s birthday since last year and it’s still weeks away.
I’m in a weird place of uncertainty and I’ve been asking those closest to me, is this anxiety? Is this an insecurity?
And no one has an answer for me.
I’m forced to figure out why I beat myself up.
Why I let what this person say or do affect my mood.
Why it bothers me if I don’t know exactly what’s going on or what’s about to happen.
I need help and I know that but…in the midst of all of that.
In the midst of me still struggling with my weight, my skin, my poor eating habits, my lack of support, not budgeting better, over spending and overcompensating, not being able to deal with other people’s bad days and emotions, not being able to accept me for who I am, not being able to admit things about my past and my childhood, not being able to have enough strength to do little things like drive on the highway if I had a rough morning or wear skimpy clothing around the house…you know I’m low key fucked up but seriously…despite ALL OF THAT..
I am a precious gem.
I’m far more precious than rubies.
And silver and gold.
And without everything attached to me, I’m still someone.
I’m probably not boldly declaring that or saying it from the heart but I’m going to get there.
That’s my goal for this year.
I want to seriously tap into the essence of me.
I’m dealing with some issues head on, confronting my past and admitting that yes, this happened.
I may not want to talk about it but it happened.
I told my sister and my boyfriend something the other day and neither was shocked.
And long after the conversation ended, it boggled my mind that neither was surprised by my revelation.
No one got up and comforted me.
No one reached forward to let me know that it was okay and blah blah blah.
It was almost as if they had presumed and expected it and I wasn’t okay with that.
Sometimes I wonder if what I’m going through, been through, dealing with is plastered on my forehead.
Do I wear my emotions on my sleeve? I know that it’s easy to tell my feelings through my writings but do I look like I’ve….been through?
I’m not sure.
This passport stamp derived from a word I wholeheartedly received at church and yes, I cry just about every Sunday.
And yes my pastor can preach and it seems like these past few weeks I’m the only member in church because he’s speaking directly to me.
I’m okay with that.
I don’t always ask God for signs and wonders simply because you have to be openly ready to receive whatever He sends to you – so in a way, before I walk into church I ask God to meet me there.
And I ask Him to show up for ME.
The word is something I stand firmly on so if the Bible says, “I’m far more precious” then guess what? That’s what it is.
In 2018, I want us (me and you) to do better with being better.
I want us to love ourselves.
To nurture ourselves.
I said somewhere that getting your nails done, hair done, waxes, going out to eat, getting a massage isn’t self-care. Because it’s not.
That’s maintenance.
So now every morning, I try my hardest to record positive things about myself.
I don’t want to wake up every day with the world on my shoulders because that’s not what the Lord intended.
In 2018 we have to understand that we are far more precious…
We have to receive that and believe that.
No matter what you’ve been through, going through or feel like when you start your day know that you are worthy.
Know that you are enough.
Yes, we have some stuff to work on.
Insecurities
Laziness.
Lack of passion and an undiscovered purpose.
We gon’ get all of that together.
We also have to stop overthinking.
Let people talk.
I saw a status about myself and I KNOW it was about me and I wanted to say something back but guess what I did? I kindly unfollowed the person but not before I liked the status…,nah I loved it actually.
We have to let people talk cus they gon’ do that either way.
And while they’re talking about you, keep growing and glowing.
Change is a continuous thing.
I know it’s easier said than done cus’ lord knows I struggle with that too but be you, unapologetically.
None of us are perfect and we are all flawed.
And yet and still..we are far more precious.
If you’ll allow me I want to challenge you to do a few things…
1. Apologize to yourself for every negative thing about self that has come from your lips.
2. Look in the mirror and repeat- I am worthy. I am far more precious than rubies. I am beautiful and most importantly I love me
3. Every morning/night journal for five minutes and meditate. Pray too.
4. Detox from social media at least once a week for a day. Your soul needs cleansing and social media can be a huge distraction.
5. Challenge yourself to adopt a healthier mindset, diet and habits.
I know that sounds like a lot but we have to do better with investing in self.
Self needs self and if your mind isn’t together how do you ever expect to flourish?
Nurture you daily.
Pour into you daily.
We are far more precious…we are beautiful.
We are loved.
We are gifted.
We are queens.
I pray that this has met you somehow someway.
With love.
NAKO