Where Is My Purpose
Disclaimer: I didn’t write this for you.
I believe today’s date is July 26th, it’s either the 26th or the 27th not sure. I been working like crazy.
Getting shit done. Creating new goals, ridding myself of bad habits and overall trying to be the best Nako I can be.
That’s always the ultimate goal.
I’m sure by now you know how I feel about growing and elevating but even more so that I feel myself
getting older and more uncomfortable with life.
Over breakfast today I shared with my mother that this feeling of uncertainty bothers me which in return is backwards because everything is good right now.
Goals and me get along real good.
So just to catch you up on my life real quick…
I signed 4 authors to my publishing company…
I started back going to church
I’m currently in the process of a possible life changing move.
I joined an awesome movement for young girls – those that personally know me knows that I have heart for empowerment and mentorship. So I’m uber excited about this partnership.
I’m budgeting better and overall, getting my shit together.
Everything is great.
Mom is recovering from chemo – thanks for the prayers.
My family is bonding.
Me and my boyfriend are doing great. dating someone with kids is something new for me but no relationship is perfect - ill blog about that real soon
Everything is good.
I have come to the conclusion that I’m not for everybody – again, another story for another day.
So overall. I’m happy.
You know I’m at peace.
But now…that I have found this place of peace and a perfect vibe now I’m looking for my next
“big thing” with a flashlight.
Goodness Nako why can’t you just settle and live life one day at a time.
This is what I’ve been asking myself every day as I sit at my computer, staring blankly at several open and unfinished documents while the deadlines scrambled on post-its all over my desk and kitchen table
staring back at me telling me to write before my readers kill me.
You know this is how I feel right now.
Write or die.
Literally.
But I don’t want too.
I’m sure you’re rolling your eyes by now but I’m rolling my own damn eyes because I simply don’t wan to write.
What do I want to do instead?
Well, in a perfect world I would have saved way more money by now so that I wouldn’t feel so pressed to drop books.
Although, I’m sitting lovely I ain’t sitting good enough for me to say, “I’m going to take a year off and do nothing”
Nah, my life is to expensive to do shit like that.
And the way I live at Saks…that can’t be possible as of now.
And on the other side I love to write.
I enjoy writing. Seriously.
But is it okay that if right now…I don’t want to write.
Instead, I want to explore.
I’m in the process of finally launching my travel and food blog.
Something that should have been in the works way back when but I’m now taking it serious.
Finally.
At night, I spend countless hours until my eyes burn from staring at my phone and Ipad way too long.
I’m reading articles, checking out youtube videos and recording restaurant and cool places around the A..
So for the past few months, me along with friends or my mom, or even by myself.
Well last week I dragged my boyfriend to a bakery in the thundering rain that I had been desperate to try.
I realized that I had a passion for discovering new things.
For trying new foods and drinks.
So I’m super excited about this new venture
On top of re-launching my publishing company with help and more patience this go round.
I have big plans for my authors and for myself.
So why can’t I write?
At this point in my life I want to know what’s next?
Will this travel blog take off?
Will the deal I’m praying about come through?
Will my boyfriend launch his own company, the one we spend every night discussing and maybe I’ll become the girlfriend to a rich nigga?
Will Netflix, Lifetime or any of the other countless companies I’ve reached out too and had meetings with finally respond to all five hundred billion of my emails?
Will something happen new for me?
Will I go back to school?
Will I open up this nail salon I’ve been wanting for years now?
You know, I’m like what the fuck is next for me.
I’m growing weary.
I don’t want to write.
Right now.
I want something new.
So the question has been posed,
Where is my purpose?
My new purpose.
My new baby.
My new conversation.
My new passion.
My new paycheck.
I’m on the last book before the last book of my current series, The Underworld and once I write The End on that, there are four more books on my roster but the good thing is they’re all halfway done.
Which means it won’t take me long to knock them out being that I write extremely fast.
And I keep telling myself when I’m done with these that’s it.
But what’s next?
I wrote this stamp for me not for you.
Hoping that if I write out my thoughts and such I’ll figure things out.
I’m 23 you know that already and maybe I should relax but me and rest never do good together.
I love to work.
I embrace to do lists and getting things done under a time limit.
I want to keep that momentum up, hoping Ill reach Oprah status by 30.
Where Is My Purpose
Is writing still my purpose? It could be.
Yesterday’s church sermon was right on time for me. It was entitled Hope Deferred.
My pastor preached about us not having any hope or faith.
You know we tend to expect God to perform miracles in our life and pour out all of these blessings we think we’re entitled too without having any faith or doing any work to get them.
I’ve been on myself a lot lately because I got lazy with God.
I prayed day in and out, on my knees like crazy when my mama first got sick.
And as soon as I saw that she was going to be alright, I fell off.
And it saddened me
Because I saw myself making poor excuse for why I wasn’t going to church or why I wouldn’t sow that seed.
And now, I’m trying to do better by pressing my way to church twice a week no matter.
By starting my mornings with God, no matter what.
By limiting the hours I spend on social media, no matter what I feel like I need to post.
By looking to Him for the answers instead of Google and from people.
I never claimed to be the perfect Christian but I want to be right in His eyes.
I want his approval of me.
I want to be better.
I’m flawed.
This is i know for sure.
But it’s now my daily prayer that God molds me in His image.
I used to worry so much about people and why they stopped talking to me or this and that but now I really don’t care.
I can’t care.
My mind…it’s like where God is taking me.
He will send those people that’s supposed to go with me.
I used to feel bad for cutting people off or for saying, “she ain’t doing nothing with her life” but if that’s a fact then….it’s a fact.
I’m in a place where I’m constantly trying to evolve.
I don’t have the time or energy to pick you up.
This morning I told my mom that I don’t think I have nobody.
Hate to say it that way but it’s no one that I’ll call if I needed something.
And is that a good thing?
I read something that said you should associate yourself with the people you aspire to be.
Or around like-minded people.
So that’s another prayer for me right now,
Lord send me like-minded friends.
Where Is My Purpose.
Being stuck is a disease.
Consistency is so important to me.
That burning feeling in the pit of your stomach is called ambition.
When you’re up with the sun, thinking of new ways to build your brand or make you better as a person, that’s your passion.
When the sales come in and you don’t get lazy- that’s your purpose.
I encourage you to take a step back.
To take a deep breath.
To minimize your flesh and maximize your purpose.
Enlarge your territory.
Pray more.
Worry less.
Remove the removable.
Set aside those things that don’t bring you any profit.
Release negative energy.
Purify your mind.
And then…tap into your purpose.
As I write I’m taking this advice myself.
I’m going to do these things with you.
Because at one point in our lives, we have to shift.
We need to shift.
We should want to shift.
We should want change.
Who wants to struggle forever?
Before I close, last week I had a conversation with one of my readers and I obeyed God during this conversation.
And I’m never one of those chicks to try to hold people back from reaching their potential.
I want us all to grow.
I’m here for the black girl magic.
All day. Every day. Okay.
So I told her that she needed to step out on faith and launch a lifestyle blog.
The good thing is she has several topics that she can cover. She’s natural, she gardens, and she’s married to a white man.
Lol.
That’s blogs for days in itself.
I was excited for her and I still am…I’m honored actually to watch her grow.
I pray that we all as women trust our gut enough to help and lend our talents to another woman.
I was in a group on Facebook that I actually thoroughly enjoyed and then out of nowhere the creator decided to shut it down.
I personally feel as if she saw it growing, she saw shit happening without her and she grew jealous.
But what do I know?
I’ll never block God’s blessings for my own life by keeping a closed mouth when I see a sister’s magic.
I literally saw one of my reader’s potential.
And I’m happy that I obeyed God because that same night I spoke to someone I had been scared to speak too.
And we ended up having an amazing conversation and I’m confident that God is going to carry that thing out pertaining what me and that person discussed.
You know once we get to a place where we don’t think about the reward, or what’s in it for me.
God will honor that.
He sees that in us.
I’m not doing it for show.
I’m not doing it for a shout out on the gram.
I’m doing it because it’s in me to do so.
Firmly do I stand on Matthew 6
Where is my purpose?
I keep asking myself that.
Some days with tears in my eyes and other days I’m frustrated because I want to write
I want to finish my book.
And then the other side of me “What’s next yo?”
What else is happening for me.
Surely this isn’t all I’m set out to do.
So again, I have a publishing company with amazing authors – that has me excited
But where is my purpose?
I joined a mentorship program – after having my own for 2 years so I’m sort of an Indian now and not the chief – that has me excited
But where is my purpose?
My travel and food blog is launching really soon – that has me excited
But where is my purpose?
I’m also about to debut new products on my site – that has me excited
But where is my purpose?
The Passport is growing – that has me excited
But where is my purpose?
I’m learning balance in life and career- that has me excited
But where is my purpose?
God is moving – that has me excited
But where is my purpose?
I have trips paid for this year and next – that has me excited
But where is my purpose?
You know it’s a lot going on for me but still I’m questioning God.
So maybe all of these things are my purpose.
Not sure yet.
But I will keep you posted.
God bless
With love,
Nako